Saturday, 22 June 2013

Six Years


A year ago today, on our five year anniversary, Matt and I were given the best gift we could ever wish for - a positive pregnancy test. As we laughed and embraced, I shed tears of happiness at the thought of raising a child with my best friend. 
We'd pictured that in a year's time we would be a family. And we are, although in a way we never imagined. We are a family living with the absence of our two sons. It seems unbelievable that this has happened to us, that we should be parents who have lost our firstborns. 

These past six years have been the best of our lives, even though this past year has been unimaginably hard. Today is a day of celebration, yet it is tinged with much sadness, as we mourn the fact that we don’t have William and Noah with us. 

We are so blessed to have one another. Every day, we are thankful. We have always been close, inseparable. But in battling our way through the days and months after the death of our sons, we have a found a closeness and a bond on a level I never could have imagined possible. Every day I reflect on how lucky I am to have such an incredible man in my life. As my husband, as the father of my children. 

He is my rock, my strength to carry on each day. My comfort in the darkest days I have ever faced. It is his arms which cradle me and enable me to grieve, shed endless tears, mourn, or just remain silent. He is the one person who listens to, accepts and understands everything I am feeling. Because my pain is his pain. Together, we are learning to find joy again in a life we never thought we would experience. It is amazing how far we have come. And though we have lost our sons, there is no one else with whom I would walk this road.

As we celebrate six years together, I am blessed to be 24 weeks pregnant with our third child, a precious life who is due to join us in October. Hope and fear, tangled up together.

Although our pain and sadness over losing William and Noah can never be erased, this new pregnancy has already brought us much happiness. Each kick and turn is savoured and brings a smile to our faces. One of life's sweetest joys is feeling your child move inside you. I'd missed it so much.

We don't know if we will get to take this baby home, alive and healthy. We can only hope. But whilst inside me, we will treasure every second of this cherished new life.


Ineffable love.



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105 comments:

  1. Aw, it's my seven year anniversary tomorrow. Congratulations! Really hope the pregnancy goes well.

    Katie x | and-katie.com

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  2. OMG! I'm sooo happy for you! Can't wait to see his/her little cute face! I wish you the best, Amy! x

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  3. Awww I wish you both the very best!!

    Valérie ♥ scribblesofvalerie.com

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  4. Sending you all the love and prayers in the world, your story has had me in the tears with your recent posts. Congratulations on your baby and anniversary! xo

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  5. Wishing the both of you and the baby all the best, you's deserve it! xx

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  6. My eyes just watered reading this post. I was so sorry to hear about the twins before but wish you both all the best with bump.
    Happy anniversary xxx

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  7. I wish you both the best!! :) xx

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  8. Aw, what a lovely post. Huge congratulations, wishing you lots of luck with this pregnancy xx

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss, but congratulations on your anniversary and your pregnancy - wishing you lots of luck! xx

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  10. Such a lovely post. Congratulations on your pregnancy- wishing you the very best xxx

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  11. You write so beautifully. Happy Anniversary and hope all goes well over the next few months for you both X

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  12. Congratulations you are gorgeous pregnant! happy anniversary and I will you all the best for the future and I will pray for you and your pregnancy

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  13. Sending you love all the way in your pregnancy and its so lovely to see two people so much in love after such a long time together. It's really inspiring! xx

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  14. This post definitely brought tears to my eyes! I wish all three of you the best and will be thinking of you in the coming months! xx

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  15. lovely post!congratulations on your pregnancy!sending you lots of love xx

    Zoe | Sweet Electric

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  16. Congratulations on your anniversary and pregnancy. I remember reading your posts last year- I can't imagine going through that, but I'm glad that you two have supported each other. You look amazing in the pictures! x

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  17. What a beautiful post Amy. Congratulations on your pregnancy lovely lady, wishing the three of you all the best. (: xx

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  18. Such a beautiful, touching post. Congratulations to you both

    - Tabitha at scaredtoast. com x

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  19. Oh Amy I am so happy for you both! After such an unimaginable loss you deserve only joy. Wishing you all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy. Happy anniversary too :)

    Franky xxx

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  20. This post actually moved me to tears, both happy and sad! I wish you both only the greatest and best joy in the world, congratulations :) xx

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  21. I was devastated to read your story with Noah and William before, so your husband and you will be in my thoughts until baby number 3 arrives safe and well.
    A beautiful post, and beautiful news xx

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  22. Congratulations to you and your husband! Hoping for the best for all of you x

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  23. I was upset hearing about your first pregnancy with William & Noah :( but i didn't expect to read that your pregnant again :D - that is wonderful news to hear & i'm glad you & your husband are getting through this last year & the next couple of months being happy & strong :D
    Your baby bump is so cute :D
    Congratulations Amy & Matt :D
    All the best for your pregnancy Amy :)
    xxxx

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  24. Congratulations! What lovely news yet must also be tinged with sadness and fear for you. You look like you are absolutely blooming and I pray for the health and wellbeing of you and your precious baby throughout your pregnancy and beyond xx

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  25. What beautiful news!! Many congratulations and best wishes to you both :) xxx

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  26. Congratulations to you both, I truly hope everything goes well xxx

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  27. congratulations i am so happy for you. i wish you both all the best xxx

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  28. Congratulations on your anniversary and on your pregnancy - sending the very best wishes for a happy healthy baby, you certainly deserve it.

    Jess xo

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  29. After so much heart ache you both deserve some true happiness. I don't know you personally but you both seem such a lovely couple who deserve nothing more, congratulations :)

    Amy xx
    A Little Boat Sailing

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  30. Congratulations!! I'm very, very happy for you both x

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  31. Congratulations on your third baby! And good luck with your future! xx

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  32. What a fantastic news, I'm really happy for you even though I don't know you personally. All the best for the coming 16 weeks and best wishes of health for you and the baby.

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  33. Only recently started following blogs and this is the first time I ve felt compelled to comment. Your writing really conveys a true love story and I wish you and your husband all the luck you deserve. Enjoy your pregnancy and cherish your memories. X

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  34. I'm so sorry for your loss... I wish you both all the best for your pregnancy and for your baby!!!

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  35. I am so unbelievably happy for you both. This brought a tear to my eye! I am beyond happy for you both and wish you and your family all the best wishes in the world. X

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  36. Such a beautifully written post, with beautiful photos to accompany it. Congratulations Amy and best wishes xo

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  37. Wishing you the best of luck with your pregnancy chick!

    Kerys | Little Bo Blab
    -xo

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  38. That was such a lovely post. So emotional and beautifully written. Congratulations for your anniversary and this pregnancy xx

    D Is For...

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  39. Congratulations! So happy for you!

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  40. I am so happy for you! When I saw your tweet about not being able to eat the starters at a wedding I was hoping it was this! Congratulations x

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  41. I'm so pleased to hear this news Amy. xx

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  42. Amy, I wish you a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery. It's such a lovely time carrying a baby, and it passes so quickly, I hope you are both enjoying the time (and get lots of sleep now!) xxx

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  43. Im so pleased for you both. Huge congrats xx

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  44. Wishing you and your husband all the happiness in the world, and a beautiful bright future with your baby xx

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  45. Congratulations! I wish you both the best of luck, you deserve to be happy after what you've been through!

    xox

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  46. This is the nicest news I have heard in ages. I did have a little inkling from when you said about the full body pillow! I wish you and Matt the best of luck and hope the rest of your pregnancy brings you as much joy as it has already! Congratulations, I am so pleased for you both xxx

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  47. I'm overjoyed for the both of you! You deserve this happiness, here's to a happy, healthy pregnancy and a smooth birth. Congratulations beautiful! x

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  48. Such lovely news, wishing you a healthy pregnancy and all the best for the future. I hope all goes well. Happy anniversary to you both xx

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  49. Lovely news! Sending the both of you and baby all the love, health and happiness in the world xx

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  50. Congratulations, so special, so moving. So happy for you xx

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  51. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  52. Oops ! I was saying :

    Ah ... I'm not surprised! I can not find the words to say how grateful I am for you both. Your love seems so magical ...
    I wish you a wonderful pregnancy!

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  53. This post is so heart breaking and so sweet at the same time, all the best with your pregnancy! x

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  54. So sad to hear of you both losing your much loved children. I have two children quite grown up now but between the two I also have losted two babies.
    It is a terrible time and you never think you will get over it, but you learn to live with it and time makes it a little more easy each day. I will never forget them but put all my love into my miracle children now. You sound like such a loving couple and will make great parents to your new baby.
    You are such special people, hugs to your both.Can't wait to hear about your new arrival.
    Rosezeeta.

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  55. I'm so sorry for your loss but am glad you have found strength in each other. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you can look forward to the future and all the beauty and life it holds for you. xxx

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  56. Congratulations Amy. The best of luck to you and Matt in your pregnancy. I've got all my fingers and toes crossed for you! Ria.x

    www.iamriajane.blogspot.com

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  57. Such a beautiful but sad post, you are a talented writer...I wish the three of you all of the luck and love in the world. X

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  58. Have a wonderful anniversary to both of you & congratulation...one day at a time.

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  59. Congratulations, and sending positive thoughts and blessings your way!

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  60. I'm so happy to hear a new baby will join your wonderful family. Always cherish in your heart your 2 sons but also remember a new baby needs you completely devotion and love. Prepare for a unbelievable happiness. Your life will change. Again I'm so truly happy for you. And don't worry sweetie, everything will go perfect.

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  61. All the best Amy, millions of positive vibes for you xxxxxx

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  62. I'm so happy for you, it's unbelievable to say because we don't even know each other but you deserve all the joy you're living right now. Wishing you all the best!
    Love
    Claudia
    http://claudia-overtherainbow.blogspot.com

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  63. Lovely post :)
    http://lushcherry.blogspot.co.uk/

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  64. Congratulations Amy and Matt! My prayers will be with both of you throughout your pregnancy. Reading this made me feel so happy for you; you seem to be genuinely nice people who deserve a lifetime of happiness! :)

    Ysis x

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  65. Congrats beautiful lady, may this bring you loads of happiness, so happy for you both xx

    www.tinytwisst.com

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  66. Congratulations Amy, you and Matthew deserve a lifetime of happiness. So so so happy for you xxxxxxxxx

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  67. I am going to pray for you and your babies, I promise and I do not pray a lot. I wish you all the best!

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  68. I've tried to comment twice and it hasn't worked so hopefully it will this time! I just wanted to say how pleased I am for you and Matt, you are a wonderful person Amy and deserve happiness, hopefully this is it! Congratulations on 6 years xxx

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  69. Congratulations! Hope everything goes well, so happy for you both :)

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  70. Wishing you and Matt all the love and happiness. Such delightful news, congratulations x

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  71. Such wonderful news! I am so, so happy for you both! Enjoy the beautiful gift inside of you and take care of yourself :) xxx

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  72. Congratulations on your news- I have just found your blog and wanted to say this post had me in tears you write in such a emotive way its beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss.


    Lydia xx

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  73. This is wonderful news! congratulations to you both. I find your writing so beautiful Amy, it's hard to keep the tears at bay. I wish you and Matt all the happiness! Enjoy this special time! x

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  74. Congratulations to all of you, Hope everything goes well and I wish you all the best :)
    Rosalie x

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  75. So happy for you- lots of love x

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  76. Congratulations to you and Matt - such amazing news! I will be thinking of you!

    Sending lots of love to you all :) XXX

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  77. Congratulations to you and Matt! :)
    Xx

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  78. I really admire You :) Congratulations and Stay strong :)

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  79. Just shed a few tears of happiness for you, I'm so over the moon to hear this news! Heartfelt congratulations to you both :) xx

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  80. I'm sending you both so much love - you deserve everything good that comes your way xx

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  81. Amy, that is amazing news for the two of you. A big congrates and I am thinking of you all. So happy for you.

    Lou

    www.thekeypieces.co.uk

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  82. i will pray for you, Amy (from Turkey) you will be a beautiful mom....

    Eda

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  83. Such a beautifully written post Amy. Sending you lots of love and best wishes for your pregnancy.

    chelseyxlou.blogspot.co.uk xo

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  84. I suspected you were pregant again as I saw you pinning maternity outfits on pinterest. I didn't want to say anything though, as I respect your privacy. I am very very happy for you and I wish you all the best.

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  85. That was the most inspiring thing ive ever read! You are so strong hun and glad you have someone who is your rock! I hope one day I find a guy like that!
    It did actually make me tear up slightly did this post too its so nice!
    Best of luck with the end of your pregnancy, you will be fab parents, and defo a yummy mummy!

    Lots of Love! Aimee xx

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  86. Congratulations to you both, wish all the happiness in the world, you both deserve it xxx

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  87. Sending you lots of prayers and well wishes for this pregnancy!

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  88. Such a beautiful post. I'm sooo happy for both of you :) xx

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  89. Congratulations! Such wonderful news. You will both make fantastic parents, I am sure! xxxx

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  90. Congratulations to both of you. When I read your post about your sons I was in tears. Now I have tears of happiness in my eyes for you :) xx

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  91. Congrats to your 6th year and baby!

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  92. I am sorry my English isn't very good but best wishes for you and your husband :-) you will be a beautiful mom with lot of love

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  93. Congratulations, best wishes for the future x

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  94. Congrats guys! You will both make awesome parents! Best wishes and good luck :)

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  95. Hello. I follow you for a while because you have a beautiful blog ... Now I see it was not just for that is that you are a beautiful woman inside (the outside is obvious) bb sure this got healthy, you deserve the best and your wonderful husband. A thousand kisses, I send all good wishes in the world

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  96. i'm so sorry to hear about William and NOah this happened also to a very close friend of mine so i can partially undertsand what it must have been like, but congratulations on your pregnancy no-one deserves it more than you two! Read your blog for a very long time so this news was a-mazing to hear!
    i've just re-started my fashion blog now that ive finished my a levels, would appreciate if you would take a look.

    Thanks
    http://mystylewarrior.blogspot.co.uk

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  97. Congratulations Amy! I'm really happy for you. It's so brave to share your thoughts and feelings with us, again. Can't believe a year has passed, wishing you all the best, you deserve it!

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  98. Congratulations...such wonderful news. Can't wait to see the baby pictures. Enjoy every moment. xx

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  99. Congrats on the fantastic news of being blessed with another baby! All my best wishes are with you xx

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  100. Aw congratulations Amy! Such wonderful news, especially given what you've been through. We're expecting our little one in early September, already counting down the days xx

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  101. I'm so happy for you that I cried when I saw your Instagram photo the other day and am now crying again as I read this. June would have been the third birthday of our little girls and we marked it with bunches and bunches of pretty girly flowers in the house. I'm sure you're aware that my loss caused such an impact on my body that I'm unable to have children but the memories of my girls and the precious 13 weeks I had with them will never go away. I relate exactly to how you feel about Matt. For me, R is my entire world and I don't know how he coped facing the loss of his children and seeing his girlfriend crumble right in front of his eyes. I wish you all the best in this pregnancy and I couldn't wish ultimate happiness on a better couple. You're in my thoughts x

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  102. i could cry every time i read a post like this from you.
    i cannot hope and pray enough that this pregnancy will be okay for you. no parent deserves what happened, but least of all you. you are such a wonderful person amy. you deserve nothing less than complete happiness and i truely hope everything works out for you and matt. what you have together is incredible and i wish you all the best in the world!
    you're one amazing lady!!

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  103. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I wish you all the best and luck in the world. I am so sorry about William and Noah, you both are incredibly strong and so lucky to have found each other.

    Best wishes. xxx

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  104. This is beautiful.

    the-renaissance-of-inner-fashion.blogspot.co.uk

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