A year ago today, on our five year anniversary, Matt and I were given the best gift we could ever wish for – a positive pregnancy test. As we laughed and embraced, I shed tears of happiness at the thought of raising a child with my best friend. We’d pictured that in a year’s time we would be a family. And we are, although in a way we never imagined. We are a family living with the absence of our two sons. It seems unbelievable that this has happened to us, that we should be parents who have lost our firstborns.
He is my rock, my strength to carry on each day. My comfort in the darkest days I have ever faced. It is his arms which cradle me and enable me to grieve, shed endless tears, mourn, or just remain silent. He is the one person who listens to, accepts and understands everything I am feeling. Because my pain is his pain. Together, we are learning to find joy again in a life we never thought we would experience. It is amazing how far we have come. And though we have lost our sons, there is no one else with whom I would walk this road.