Death is always a delicate subject, for both adults and children, and even more so when trying to explain the abstract concept of baby loss to a toddler or young child. When William and Noah died almost 5 years ago, we knew that if we had any subsequent children, we’d talk openly with them about their brothers. They would know their story, their place in our family. Henry grew up seeing…
Coping with Trauma Anniversary Reaction
These days, I know to expect it. As the end of August nears, the panic rises, the night sweats begin. I wake up in the darkness to the cries of my daughter, and discover I am soaked, my chest slick with sweat. The days bring a heavy melancholy, a sadness I can’t quite place, and the tears, always on the precipice, come easily. As September arrives and the promise of…
When Mother’s Day Is Painful
Mother’s Day is a worthy holiday, a chance to celebrate the women who have loved us and nurtured us. A day to show extra appreciation for the women who are our mother’s – whether through birth, adoption, marriage or fostering. But it can also be a painful day to face for many people – the person who is desperately missing their mother who is no longer with them, the…
The Brothers He’ll Never Know
Henry has always loved photographs. He regularly flips through his Project Life Album, a catalogue of his favourite people, his face lighting up as he sees mama and dada, granny and grandad. He likes to lead me around the house, pointing to the photo frames dotted around. And then he points to their photo, and I hear myself say, ‘That’s William and Noah. They’re your brothers,’ and the words sting…
Lessons Learned Through Grief
It has been more than two years since we said goodbye to our little boys. In some ways it feels so recent that it seems unfathomable that years have passed, yet at the same time so very distant, in the way that I barely recognise the person I was before they died. I feel as though I’ve aged and learned so much in these past few years. Grief has taught…
One Year
Today we celebrated William and Noah’s birthday. One year since we became parents for the first time, and held our sons for the last time. This year has been a hard one, one that we never imagined we would be living. There are so many things we have missed. Watching them grow, hearing them laugh, having their fingers wrapped around ours. Being able to cuddle them. We only had a…
Life Lately
Just over one week to go until my due date. Everyone is excited. We’re excited. We can’t help but imagine the moment we will get to see and hold our baby. We can’t help but imagine what it might be like to return home as three instead of two. What it would be like to feed, to cuddle, to bathe, and talk to our baby.But it is impossible to picture all this and not think about…
